:::My website:::

:::My other blogs:::

The Bends

Quebec Study Abroad

:::Interesting blogs::::

Scyleia's Spot

Insomniac's Mirror

Confessions of a Wicked Step-Mother

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The WeatherPixie

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Wednesday, September 20, 2006
This is a title

Ha.  I need to get out of this cubicle.  I saw the sigma sign in the format bar above and thought I could insert a formula into this here blog.  haha.

Ok, so I've been blogging on Myspace for the last year or so (ok's only fake and plastic if you choose to let it be that way).  I don't quite know what to say.  But 3 people pulled me back here. JFZ emailed me (and I have yet to respond.  Sorry).  I've been in contact fairly often with Insomniac's Mirror girlie, well, because she is more than words on a screen.  Scyleia sent me a MSN messenger request.  I have that program (and  few others), but I never use any of them because, well, I just don't.

It's surprising that people are interested in me.  I appreciate it...TRULY!  Sometime, well, pretty much all of the time, I think so much less of myself than others apparently do.  I even reach the self-esteem point where I ask myself if they just feel sorry for me.  Rationally, I know that it's plausible that people are as interested in me as I am in them.  But my nasty guilt complex makes me second guess everything I do and think.  It's maddening.

But, no time to think of myself much lately.  Almost all of my time is spent worrying about this embryo inside of me.  Much of my time is spent worrying if the house will be ready, if *I* will be ready, and wishing I had more time...worrying about money...LOTS OF THAT!

So, I've neglected thinking about my own life.  The thing is that, despite the worry and the ginormous change right now, I know it's temporary.  I know that working in this cubicle is temporary.  I know I will be teaching next fall.  I know that once the house is in order (it's getting there), I will have some time and some space for music and art.  I know that my finances will level out....eventually.  I know that things will calm down...eventually.  So, it's really not so bad to put myself off for a biological wonder such as offspring.  I just need to keep myself in check so that I start all those things again...eventually.

So, anyone who had unanticipated children right after graduating college, but before getting that much desired career change, and before getting a house with 30 years of accumulated "things" and dirt, baby-ready...anyone who has experienced this type of things understands the chaos.  Maybe you do even if you haven't experienced it.  But the important thing is to keep moving ahead, and once I reach a lull in the sprint, I need to remember to sit in silence for a minute and examine existence...because I will not be lost in the rat race.  I refuse.

Posted at 04:39 pm by 67913021

Sunday, September 10, 2006

I am nearing 30 and will be responsible for another life in just 2 months.  While I have chosen not to care about reaching 3 decades of life, I feel that I am unready for even more challenges than I have had on my own for the last 30 years.  How can I care for an individual who actually needs me to survive when I can't even seem to be able to take care of myself? 

And, who will take care of me?

Posted at 03:22 pm by 67913021
gimme some sugar  

Monday, November 28, 2005
It's too late baby

Dear You Know Who You Are:


I’m sorry, but it is weird.  I registered a domain name and I’m going to set a blog up there.  It will be mine.


A little more me, and a little less of everything else.


It has nothing to do with him.  It has nothing to do with you.  It has everything to do with me and why I did this in the first place.  It’s not that you’re anything but sweet and understanding, but it’s weird to know that you can and will read it, when I can also picture your face.  I just can’t bring myself to get back into the extremely personal topics like I used to. 


It’s kind of funny because we generally think of all the people on the other side of the screen as human, but we all take on a kind of formless, faceless, nameless identity on the net.  It’s more like floating in a dream than mingling at a party.  Do you understand what I mean?


Because of how I view human interaction on the net, knowing that strangers can read my blog isn’t a big deal…it’s just the other thing that’s weird.


Don’t take offense.  Again, it’s not you and how I came to know you.  It’s just that I need a little dark corner where I feel safe and uninhibited if I’m going to write so publicly (oh the irony!!).  Know what I mean?


That being said, let’s go out drinking again before it’s too late!! J

Posted at 02:40 pm by 67913021
gimme some sugar  


Oh yeah, I was supposed to say if the demo was cool.  Didn't last very long, but the 5 minutes of gameplay and story background were sweet.  I will definitely buy it...when it comes down to $20 hehe.

Posted at 02:14 pm by 67913021
gimme some sugar  

Monday, November 21, 2005

I finished Half Life II on Saturday, then my boyfriend and I went to see Saw II :) All I can say is BLUE GUNS AND PSYCHOLOGICAL HORROR MOVIES ARE KEWL! Good chain of events. By the way, my real name is the same as the heroine in HLII. If you've played it, then you know.

All you gamers, I just downloaded the F.E.A.R. demo. Looks pretty sweet. I'll let you know what I think. Though, I need to force myself to do homework first. BLAH!

Posted at 07:10 pm by 67913021

Sunday, November 13, 2005
Getting hitched

It's probably not going to happen for a bit, because I'm still in school for another year and a half or so, and my bf wants to pay off some bills before laying them on me (nice guy, wish I could do the same!!!). However, we've been talking about getting married for a while, and though the idea of losing my independence is a little scary, he's so not the controlling type and actually prefers my independence to caged bird syndrome.

In reading one of FNInsomniac's, I thought I'd concur with her statement of the ideal wedding party.

I really like that my bf and I talk in detail about this stuff, because marriage is a serious matter, and I'd rather not be surprised with anything before jumping in.

We've talked about going to Vegas and spending very little money on the actual wedding (though I'd like it to be romantic enough that it's not ghetto) and spend a lot less than what we would have on a wedding ceremony/reception...then spend a chunk on the honeymoon. Dammit, I've heard too many stories about people spending a ton of money just to please their families. Neither of our parents are rich, which is actually a good thing, because that means we could maintain control of this important event which is ours, not theirs. That's what it's all about. I'm done pleasing my family when it comes to who I am. No more guilt, blah blah blah.

So, that's what we would like to do. He says he wants to buy me a nice ring too, which he wants to save up for, so that's another reason for delaying the event. I honestly could care less about the cost, but it would be fun to get a piece of "nice" jewelry, as long as it's unique (no diamond, just like everyone else has, rings for me). There's a stone called Alexandrite (haha), which is very pretty.

Then, to mirror what FN said in her post about this, I would like to have a kickin party at my bf's house. I'm friends with people in several bands, so it would be fun to get some live a kegger kind of thing. Basically, this could serve to please my family (I do feel a little guilty because my brother eloped...twice), but above all, I want it to be fun and stress free. It would be great to invite all my friends over to hang with us :)

We'd have to do some major cleaning/organizing of the house before having such an event, but that's something we want to do anyway. I've already painted both bathrooms and part of our bedroom. Much much more work to come, but it will be awesome once more is done. We're just waiting for my bf's mom to move out. She has a ton of stuff, and is taking her time (she said she was moving out 6 months ago). Anyway, it will happen soon, and we'll have an extra room to put stuff in, and more space to organize the rest of the house.

The back yard needs major repair work done too, and it's huge (we have over an acre of land), but it will get done, eventually.

Another thing I want to do is rip the carpet up (it's the same carpet as when the house was built in 76!), and stain the concrete. If you've never seen stained concrete, it can be really beautiful and industrial looking, which both of us love. Here's an example: , and another , and another

It's also cheaper than any other floor treatment, easy to maintain, and easy to do yourself.

We have a gazebo we need to set up in the backyard too, but we're going to lay bricks down, or pour concrete first. We also want to make a little patio area, and eventually install a jacuzzi. Yay! :) I love huge backyards!!! :)

So, anyway, all that from a post I read on FN's blog. We do think very much alike, you know.

Posted at 07:38 pm by 67913021

Thursday, November 10, 2005
guilty confession

Ok, so my guilty internet pleasure, among other things, has been MySpace lately.  Yeah, I signed up before it was sold and all the crappy flash ads came up...but, I already had a lot of nifty friends, so I stayed (yeah, and I knew most of them in person before becoming their Myspace "friend"...but there are always interesting "strangers" I run across too).  Anyway, I will try to keep posting on Blogdrive, because I love this place, but if you have a Myspace profile and want to contact me there, it's

Oh...I just remembered why I joined Myspace in the first place.  It was because a band I love was being sneaky and was posting show dates on there instead of on their official website.  So, I was kinda forced to join...yah ;p

Posted at 01:42 pm by 67913021
gimme some sugar  

It's a boy!

it's been a while, but I actually remembered to come here...and I read my post about the coop (no it's not done yet).  But I just thought I should clarify that, ahem, we found out Turbo is not a girl after all.  He started making little gurgling crowing noises about a month ago.  It was cute, as he was learning how to control the instinct. 

So, I guess the "no cocks allowed" sign won't work :(

Posted at 01:26 pm by 67913021
gimme some sugar  

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

While I appreciate people who don’t give up until they solve a problem, repeating the same experiment over and over isn’t going to make it magically work by chance.  You gotta try something new every time or you’re just failing over and over and over and over…


And when I have other things I could be doing, I really don’t want to be hitting print over and over and over and over for you with the same frikkin result each time.  I swear, some people have huge brains but just don’t use them!!!



Posted at 04:35 pm by 67913021
gimme some sugar  

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

sorry I've been neglecting my blog, for those of you who cared enough to comment since the last time I wrote anything.  I really need to make a habit of writing down my thoughts more often, rather than fuming/wishing I weren't doing homework/wishing I were done with school...I *know* it's been therapeudic to write in the past, but to forget is human I guess...especially for me (horrible memory).

Anyway, those faithful very interesting people I've met on here, those of you who are sweet enough to still be reading my blog every now and then, I admire your tenacity!! :) :)  I wish I were so faithful and reliable!!!

As if I don't have enough to do already, I mentioned to my boyfriend that it would be fun to build a small chicken coop for our 2 domesticated chickens (not for the wild ones).  They really are so sweet, affectionate and appreciative and I would love for them to have their own little house.  So, when I mentioned that it would be fun, he jumped on it and even drew up a little design for it, including 2 doors, a wrap-around balcony, nesting buckets, etc etc...very luxurious for a chicken! ;p  The other night, my bf suggested that we go to home depot to get the stuff to just build the frame, which I suspect we will be doing this weekend.

Both he and I are the creative types and love building stuff, especially if it's for animals that we love (he's an animal lover too), so it's going to be pretty neat, but I wanted to see if there was anything we hadn't thought of by looking at other people's coop designs online.  I got 2 awesome ideas.  1.  put hooks in the walls to hang the food/water dishes on so that chicken poop and ants don't contaminate, 2.  one coop had a plastic roof (you know, one of those wavy plastic sheets), so that light could get it....not as practical in the summer, but I could always build another shade when summer comes back around. :)

Another idea my bf came up with is putting some kind of sign on the coop.  My chicken's name is Turbo, and her friend, sadly *still* does not have a name!!! (we call her "Turbo's friend" haha).  They're not full grown yet, but I'm pretty sure that they're both female, and if so, the sign will say "NO COCKS ALLOWED" or "COCKS, KEEP OUT" know, something super cheesy like that haha :)  I'm going to make the sign out of wood and use an etcher of some kind to give it the rustic look :)

Well, other than that, you know, there's always a ton of stuff happening, but other than giving an hour by hour summary, I don't know what to say...

So...more later.

Posted at 04:55 pm by 67913021

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